Has anyone read The Shack by William P. Young? It is a novel about a man who faces a terrible tragedy, then has the opportunity to meet the Trinity face to face. I started reading this book around the time Kyara was getting very sick, and I had to put it down. The book hit too close to home with me and to be honest made me a bit uncomfortable. The questions that were asked and screamed and cried over, were the same basic ones I asked. "Why?"... "How could you let this happen?"... "Where were you?"... etc. But recently, I picked the book back up and decided to finish it. We were on a trip to Gainesville, Fl (Gator Country!!), and I put it in my bag as a second thought. While driving down, I pulled it out and started to read.
One of the things I have been struggling with is how am I suppose to put God in front of everyone and everything else? Gunars, Skylar, Kassey, and Kyara are suppose to be after God. My school work should be after God. Cutting the grass (or in our case, the weeds) should be after God. Eating, sleeping, getting showered and dressed are suppose to be after God... you get my drift. How is all this possible? I still have to make dinner! I still have to shower! And I get to hold Gunars, Skylar and Kassey in my arms and love on them all day long. I can't imagine putting anything before my children. And yet, God is suppose to be number one.
Well, there is a part in the book that really spoke to me. The main character in the book, Mack, is talking with the Trinity (each has a different "name" and "personality"). He is trying to figure out priorities.."You know: God first, then whatever, followed by whatever." The way the Trinity explained it hit me like a light bulb. They said there is a flaw with living by priorities. "If you put God at the top, what does that really mean and how much is enough? How much time do you give me before you can go about the rest of your day, the part that interests you so much more?" God doesn't want just a part of you and a part of your life, He wants all of you and all of your life. He wants to be at the CENTER of everything you do. And when we live in Christ, then we are able to live together through everything that happens to us.
Oh, my! I don't know about anyone else, but when I read this, I thought... Now THAT makes sense to me. God wants to love our children, our lives, the fun things we do, the work we do, everything and share our joy with Him. He wants us to glorify Him through our lives each and every day. What a weight off my shoulders. I don't have to stop living my life, I have to turn it over to Him and live it WITH Him! Let Him do the worrying and firguring things out, I get to enjoy the joys He brings to me. And all things are blessings. Even the "bad" things.
Kyara's death has been gut wrenching. Heart breaking to the nth degree. No, let me backup. Kyara's cardiac arrest has been those things. Her passing on to her Heavenly home was a blessing. She was miserable here. And God did not leave her, He gathered Kyara up, and took His baby home. He healed her and for that I am so thankful!
It has been almost 6 months since Kyara's death. Wow. 6 months. It has been 1 year and 8 months since she was able to look at me, smile at me, hug me, kiss me, or tell me she loves me. It has been 1 year and 8 months since I was able to smile at her, hug her, kiss her, tell her I love her, and know that she understood or that she even knew I was there.
Lately I find myself thinking more about Skylar and Kassey and things going on here, and less about Kyara. This fact tears me up. I don't want to forget her. But I also want to move on. This makes me feel so guilty. Then I think of what Jesus says, "Let the dead bury the dead." I don't want to be emotionally dead to what is happening here on earth. There are so many joyous things God has instore, I can't sit around. I need to live life to the fullest. Kyara is happy and healthy again! Thank you, Lord!
Kyara Dzenis
6 comments:
Genie, I just read your post and all I can say is that we love you all so much. Sometimes God showers us with revelation of his love and we begin to see the REAL truth. After reading the beautiful words of explanation that God has spoken to you through this book, it is with tears that I say, you get it. We all need to understand what you so beautifully articulated and I pray that hundreds take the time to read your post and then read The Shack. I personally read it two years ago and just re-read it again a few months ago. Wow God loves you! and so do we. From Spokane with love.
genie. . . you can not know how much reading your blogs has done for me. we went to high school together. i graduated with your brother. i never knew you back then. . . . . but i really, really wish i had. you have such an amazing depth and STRENGTH about you. my mother teaches with carolyn jones . . and they are good friends. when the accident first happened - carolyn contracted my mom for prayers. mom immediately contacted my two sisters and i. since then, i've been praying and following what has happened. genie - you have got a gift here. the way you see what's going on, the way you look at what has happened to all of you - it's just so, so powerful.
something weird. i really have no idea why i just wrote all of this. lol. i think i just wanted you to know that you are thought about often. please keep writing. i haven't lost any of my children yet - but your posts help me in different ways.
still praying for all of you to have peace.
jenny christian chesnut
Genie,
I should have known better than to read your blog at work (again). Rarely do I get through it without a few tears (or in this case, without streams of them).
You have blessed so many by sharing your story - and I know that's exactly how God intended it to be.
With Love,
Becky Gaston
Wow...as always, your wording is perfect and beautiful. You should seriously consider writing a book, you truly have a gift and would be an inspiration to a much wider audience than us fortunate ones who know about your blog. Thank you so much for your take on putting God first...it made SO much sense and really helped me a lot. I continue to pray for your family and wish you many more blessings. From Fayetteville
I agree, you should write a book. Your grace, strength, courage, honesty, and perseverance have inspired me in so many ways. Your blog is not often read without tears, but many times the tears are hopeful ones. I think about you and your family often, and I continue to keep you in my prayers.
Genie, I know you don't know me - but I have been following your posts since the beginning... Your love, faith and strength are beyond amazing. YOU are amazing! And no matter how you feel on a day to day basis - I can only imagine the pain - but you are a blessing to all those around you - and I pray that God continues to hold you in the palm of his hand, and thhat your little angel continues to give you the signs that you need to know that she is doing well. God Bless.
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