Rainbow

Wow! Where does the time go? I can't believe it has been almost a month since I last posted. Summer is here and we are relaxing in the only way the Dzenis family knows how... we are staying BUSY!



So much has been happening. Skylar competed in a triathlon and did great! Swimming was not her best thing, but she made up some time on the bike and then enjoyed the run section with some new friends/competitors. I was so proud of her. I have never done a triathlon and to be honest, I don't think I will! It looked TOUGH! I will leave that up to her!



After the triathlon, we let Skylar chose where she wanted to eat lunch. She, of course, chose her Mommy's favorite place - McDonald's. I am sure many people love McDonald's, but I am not one of them. I don't like hamburgers or cheeseburgers and I think everything else taste nasty, so I have a hard time smiling when she wants to go there. In fact, I tend to throw a bit of a toddlerish tantrum. But... she did compete in a triathlon, and I was proud of her, so... off to McDonald's we went. While in line to get food, I heard some people kinda chuckling, so I turned around to see what was so funny. MY KASSEY had her shorts AND her PANTIES down around her ankles, was bending over slightly and shaking her "hiney." At the same time she is SINGING, "Hiney, Hiney, Hiney!" I couldn't help but laugh as I sternly told her to pull her pants back up! Inside I was ROLLING! Gunars was too embarrassed to say or do anything. I think shock kinda took over on him.



We have gone to the beach for another Leonard/Dzenis vacation. It is always nice to get together with the whole clan and enjoy a week together. It is crazy, loud, exciting, not so much relaxing, but a good time never-the-less. Gunars and I took the girls down to Panama City Beach for a couple of days before joining everyone at Blue Mountain Beach. We saw some tar balls, but it didn't hinder our swimming or fun in the sun. The algae was more of a problem. Sometimes it felt like we were swimming in soup. Yuck! We had an episode with a shark. That was exciting. We were out in the water, when my sister-in-law said something hard hit her leg. I figured it was probably someone else's leg, but the Gunars looked up at us all and said (in a very firm but relaxed voice) "We need to get out, now." He saw in the water, swimming between our legs what appeared to be a 2-3 foot shark. We all got out, waited for 15 minutes or so, and then went back in. I know sharks live in the ocean, but I don't like thinking about them actually swimming by my legs. Had Missy not felt it, we would have never know it was there. I wonder how often that happens?!



Vacation this year was hard. This is a year of firsts. The first vacation at the same beach house we have been to with Kyara, but this time, she is not there. I had a rough couple of days. Especially the first night. I started to get really moody the morning we were heading there. By the time we got to the house, Gunars and I were barely on speaking terms (mostly my fault, I gave him the cold shoulder all day!) The other day that was rough was the last night and the day we left. I am not sure why. Thinking back on it, I wonder if it is because the vacation was over and Kyara was still not there. I have this strange expectation sometimes, that if I just wake-up, or go to sleep, or stay in a spot long enough, she will come back. Vacation couldn't be over because Kyara had not come back yet.



While we were gone, one of the wonderful ladies that took care of Kyara at Day Surgery at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta passed away. Kay took care of Kyara every Friday for 2 years. She had ALS and after battling for the past few months, Kay is now at peace. I'd like to think Kyara helped to welcome her in Heaven. Perhaps Kyara took care of Kay this time. I went to Kay's memorial service on Tuesday. It was beautiful. Many of the nurses from CHOA were there, and it was bitter-sweet to see them again. I was amazed by how many people remembered Kyara. Even one of the anesthesiologist remembered who she was. It has been 2 years since we were at Day Surgery and it was touching (ok, I cried alot) to see how she touched so many lives. And in the same way, Kay touched my life. She took fantastic care of Kyara. She helped watch Kassey when she was a newborn and I would run to the cafeteria for some breakfast. She would slip in to our room to see if we needed anything or just to talk for a bit. As hard as it was to go to her Memorial Service, and it was HARD!, I am glad I went. I wanted her daughter to know that Kay made a difference in her patients' lives, too.



Lately I have been struggling more. I know I have said that before, but it is still true. I can be ok one minute, sad the next, or worse - numb for the rest of the day. Numbness is the worst to me. I feel completely cut off from my emotions, and the emotions of others. I shut down with girls and Gunars. It is unfair to them and it is something I am praying about and working on, but as they say, "It takes time." But, I have been praying for God to help heal my heart. Tonight we saw a rainbow that ended in our driveway. It was bright and beautiful. We sat in the car and stared at it and it slowly faded away. It reminds me that God promised to love me, comfort me, and He will never leave me. I think it may have been Kyara coming down to say hello and that she is ok. It may have been nothing more than the reflection of the sun in the raindrops, but here is the best part.... in my mind, it gets to be what I want it to be!