It has been three weeks since Kyara grew her angel wings. Sometimes I feel ok with knowing she is healed. I feel happy for her to be playing in heaven. Other times... I am mad. Not at God, as some have suggested, but at Kyara's situation. I am mad at myself for not stopping her from drinking the chemical when she was little. For not knowing that she would have some many problems from the surgery. For not knowing she would have the cardiac arrest. For not being able to make her better. I know these are not reasonable things, but it doesn't stop them from ruNning through my head. They help cause the knot that is constantly in my stomach, the feeling that my heart is no longer whole. This is not the path I would have chosen for Kyara... But then again, I am not God. He is faithful, and He knows the plans He has for each of us. Plans to better us, not to harm us.
So for the past week we have taken a triP with Skylar and Kassey. We went to Gainesville and stayed with friends, kayaked Rainbow River (and saw a Gator!), went to a butterfly garden and a Gator Lacross game. That was Saturday. Then we headed to Orlando to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure,Disney Magic Kingdom, Epcot, and Hollywood Studios, and Seaworld. IT has been a busy week! We are now headed back to Gainesville to see the Orange and Blue game tomorrow. I will write more later, but since I am writing this on my blackberry (crackberry?), my thumbs seem to be cramping!
Kyara Dzenis
3 comments:
Hi Genie,
What a blessing that you and the girls are on such a fun trip right now. I just read this blog post, and don't know if you follow Angie Smith's blog, but you came to mind when I read it. She has a beautiful way of writing. Praying for you, Gunars, and the girls.
http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2010/04/tree-of-mystery.html
Adrienne Maples
Willis Road
On our flight to south Florida, Creighton says to me, "Mommy, that big cloud over there is where Kyara is. I miss her." We are still praying for you and your family and with time God will continue to heal you and make you whole again. :O) I'm sure of it!
The Smith family
Hi Genie, Gunars, Skylar & Kassie! We're glad that you have taken some time off to spend some much needed rebuilding and healing time together and are having fun while doing so... Kyara wouldn't want it any other way! In the meantime, please know that none of those things that you wrote about could have been known in advance, and if so, it's obvious that you would have done everything within your power to prevent them, so don't blame yourself, don't look back in anger, don't dwell on the negative things. It's a time to look forward, build new memories, live happily on while Kyara looks over you all from above. Our blessings and prayers are with you.
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