Halloween was cold and wet this year. Gunars and I dressed up along with the girls. In case you can't figure out what we are by the pictures, I'll explain. Gunars is a ninja, I am a vampire. Skylar is a skeleton bride, Kyara is Mary from Mary Had a Little Lamb, and Kassey is a bat girl. Kassey's outfit was suppose to be a 24 month size, but when we put it on her on Halloween night we realized I had bought a 12 month out fit. Needless to say, it doesn't fit. Oops! Gunars and Kyara stayed home and passed out candy to all the trick-or-treaters and Skylar, Kassey and I made our way through the neighborhood trick-or-treating. It was good fun.
Sunday was a hard day. It was All Saints' Day. In church we celebrated the lives of those whose passed away during the past year. I didn't realize how hard it was going to be on me. How close we were to having Kyara on that list. In some ways, for me, she kinda is on that list. The Kyara I have know and loved for the first 4 1/2 years of her life is gone. I mourn not having her with me everyday. Although her body is still here, she is not. She is not singing to me anymore. She is not laughing and playing anymore. She is not reading books to me, telling me about chlorophyll, or even really smiling and looking at me anymore. And as much as I want her back for me, I want her back for her, too. I want Kyara to have everything life has to offer!
November 1st is also the day we arrived in Michigan. November 3rd, today, was the day of her surgery. One year ago. At the time, I know we made the best decision we could for Kyara. We really believed that this surgery would provide her a better life. Boy were we wrong. I wish we could go back and not do the surgery at all. Put life back the way it was. But... we can't. All we can do is move on with our lives, provide the best home we can for the girls.... full of love and support for each other.
On a different note, Skylar has been complaining about her leg hurting for a couple of weeks now, so I took her to the doctor yesterday to get it looked at. They did x-rays and everything looks fine, Thank God! She has been instructed to restrict activity for the next week. So, no karate, soccer, basketball, or PE for her for a week and then we will see how she feels.
I know this has not been a very uplifting blog. As we move away from this date, I pray God will give me the strength to find joy in each day, through Gunars, Skylar, Kassey and of course, through Kyara.
6 comments:
My heart breaks for you not having your old Kyara. You are doing such a great job! You have 3 very beautiful girls. Keep up the great work.
Lin from Illinois
Life is so fragile and it is so important to cherish each moment. We especially lift up your family on this day and pray God's favor over each of you. Your blog breaks the heart of everyone that has a heart. Yesterday cannot be changed nor should we beat ourselves up over the past and the "what ifs". Satan loves it when we kick ourselves continually because it blinds us to the needs of others around us and to the many blessings of each day. By the way, the costumes were awesome and I'm sure Kassey didn't notice yet what size she was wearing! It is all about the candy! Thanksgiving is coming and there is soooo much to thank Him for...press forward and most importantly, press into God. We love you guys, Spokane
How wonderful that you can share honest sentiments through your blog, Genie! We follow your story always, and it reminds us of your great strength and your continuing need for our prayers. You are a good and faithful couple, raising your children in the best way you know how. You inspire and humble us. I believe that someday the reason for Kyara's journey will be revealed to you, but for now, know that in spirit we travel this rocky path with you. Linda, Zachy's Grandma
I wanted to let you know that I am VERY touched by your unconditional love to your three beautiful children... if each parent would just take the time now and again to realize just how precious their children are, and to be THANKFUL for what they have, I think we might be half as strong as you are. I pray for you and your family often. With much love, Trina
I think of Kyara so often... hoping that she knows how many of us love her. It's hard to believe how fast the girls are growing! I love that I found your blog. Thank you for sharing your journey so openly. My little girl, Zoe, is just one month old now... just a few short months before she'll be using all the teething goodies you and Kyara gave to us! We hope you are all doing well and smiling lots.
Smiles,
(Dr.) Devon :O)
My heart breaks for Kyara and your family. You are all amazing and doing your best every day for all 3 of your little ones. I am praying for all of you and please know that Kyara is in my heart. I think I am working on the 18th, where is your appointment?
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