Today was a BEAUTIFUL day in Atlanta! This morning we had a yummy breakfast (thanks Luz Estela for cooking pancakes!) and headed out to Skylar's soccer game. I have missed watching her play so much. Just to be a part of her life again is wonderful. She played well, and scored a goal (just for you, BJ!) I am very proud of her. She has been so tough through this time. I know that this must be taking a toll on her and she is not showing us. I am worried about her and I want her to know how much we love her.
After the soccer game, we piled in the car and headed up to Scottish Rite to see Kyara and to relieve my dad (he spent the night last night). Kyara had an ok night, but is still did not sleep. Dad said she seemed more comfortable, but her heart rate is still much higher than I am used to seeing it. This morning she was back to having a very high heart rate at times, and she goes through tense phases that come like waves. The nurse has asked us how long one of her storms lasts...it is more like how long is she relaxed? When she is "storming" it can last for days. But now that we are on the rehab floor, I am hoping we will learn some new techniques to help calm these storms and help her relax.
The GI doctor on call from Dr. Meyer's office came in to see Kyara this afternoon. He didn't have much to say, except that we are waiting for the probiotics to come in. The kind Dr. Meyers wrote for is not stocked at the hospital, so I guess they had to go out somewhere to get it. The doc said sometimes they will run over to Northside Hospital to get meds that are not stock. For those of you who are not familiar with the area, Northside is the regular (not children's) hospital that is across the street from Scottish Rite. Anyway, the probiotics came about an hour later, so Kyara is now officially on them. I pray they help!
We also met one of the recreational therapists today. She went over alot of the ins and outs of the rehab floor and asked questions about what kind of things Kyara likes. Did she play with Barbies? NO. Does she like computer? YES! She wants to narrow down the toys Kyara liked to play with so that they can incorporate them into her therapy. Because Kyara was admitted late last night, she was not on the schedule for therapy evaluations today. But, we have the schedule for tomorrow and she is going to be busy! From 8:30-2:30ish she has evaluations with OT, PT, Speech, and Music Therapy. She has an hour break in the middle for rest.
I am ready for them to get started on Kyara. I am ready for her storming to get under control. For her to be awake and comfortable. It is so difficult to see her storm. I am wanting to put this is God's Hands...but how? How do I let go and just say...Here.? I want to. I know that He is the only one with the power to heal. I am finding that I am having a very hard time dealing with Kyara's injury. At first it was...ok, give it some time and she will get better. Then it was, her colon is causing her pain and that's why she is not doing better. Now I am not sure what to think. It has been almost 3 months since her cardiac arrest and I am scared. One day at a time, that is what I keep being told...easier said than done. It is very painful to watch her and not know how to help. It is excruciating to be with her...and to be away from her. Those who think I have been strong...I am not strong. I am barely holding on at times. I try my best to keep it together for the sake of my family. I am trying to think positive thoughts, but the fear keeps finding its way in. I wish I could only write happy things in the posts, but I want to be honest with myself... I write the posts in a matter of fact way most of the time because by not putting too much emotion in it, I can stay solid. As soon as feelings are involved, I break down. I am a fixer. If you have a cut, I want to put a bandaid on it. And this is something I cannot fix. If anyone has a good suggestion for a psychologist in the south metro or Atlanta area, please share their name and number.
I believe that God will help Kyara. I still believe God has a plan. I wish He would listen to mine, though. Why doesn't He ask my opinion? I know His plan is a perfect plan, but I am not understanding it. I pray we are going to get some results with the new rehab schedule and therapists. Please keep praying for Kyara. She is an amazing girl and we have to find a way in so that we can reach her.
10 comments:
Genie-
You are stronger than you know and what an amazing Mom! Your faith and love will see her through this difficult time. I pray that she responds to the therapy and that something in the therapy gives her comfort and joy! She is brave and she knows that she is loved!!!!
Love, Stephanie, RN ><>
I know you feel like you are braking down a lot and that is OK. God can handle that too! I know the hardest part is letting go and "letting God" handle it, but that is what it will take. You keep blogging like you have been, that is extremely healthy and I'm sure you will be able to find a good CHRISTIAN counselor to talk with... maybe a pastor if need be. I have someone in mind that I am going to send your way. I am so glad that you got to spend time at Skylar's soccer game yesterday... you are right, she needs you too!... and she will remember mluch more of this ordeal than even Kyara will, spend as much time with her as you can. We'll keep praying!
The Lopers
In HIS time, in HIS time...HE makes all things beautiful in HIS time...LORD please show me everyday...as your teaching me YOUR way...that you'll do just what you say...In YOUR time.......it is so hard to give that last little thread to the LORD. Just remember HE even knows every lily in the fields and HE also knows the desires of our hearts. HE has heard your every struggle and HE listens to your opinions every day! GOD will help Kyara recover and HE will help you with your doubts. Creighton and I pray for you guys every day, and Creighton is hopeful that Kyara will get better so that he can come over and play :O) Trust HIM and keep your eyes upon HIM :O)
Love,
The Smith's
Stephen, Emily, and Creighton
Remember Genie, fear is not from God. God is the only healer of ALL things and allowing Him to do this in His time will be your biggest challenge yet. Moms always want to "fix" things and make their children better physically and emotionally. We are not the Holy Spirit but certainly can be filled with Him everyday. The hardest thing is the world is to allow someone else to step in and take control. I say you are strong, you are made in the image of God and you have the power within you to be more than a conqueror. Tell yourself this and all of those prayer warriors out there can speak it into you. Most of us will never have to endure your type of agony, God KNOWS the good that will come and His destiny for you and Kyara has been planned out. Continue to stay in His word any spare moment you can and claim all of His promises He has for those who love Him. We love your family and continue to pray believing in His healing power. Lay everything down before Him and He WILL give you rest.
Jenie,
You are a great woman, wife and mother....Just keep praying, God will do what is best for all.
Becky (mukie)
Here's a great group in Fayetteville that our church recommends a lot. The website is http://secondwindservices.net/index.html
Genie,
We hear your frustrations and are praying for you. You are incredibly strong, and we know your strength comes from God. No one could expect you to be strong all the time. When you feel weak, continue to turn to God as you always do. He will carry you through these tough times, and will reveal His plan for Kyara in time. I wish I could recommend a good counselor. We will pray that God directs you to the one He can use to help you through all the emotions that overwhelm you.
We love you all very much!
Laurie and Josette
genie,
we were all thinking of you at uf alumni weekend this past weekend in gainesville. just know you have a lot of gators behind you and you are inspiring all of us with your strength and ability to be such a great mom, wife, daughter, etc. we love you and are all praying for kyara's progress!
We are still here for you. Let us know if we can help. Continue to lean on God and He will see you through. Praying things will improve for you all soon.
Take care
The Henley's
Genie,
You may not feel strong, but to those of us who are moms---you are amazing. I know how trite it sounds to say that God does his greatest work when we are weak, but HE DOES! I am so glad you got to see Skylar play soccer! I know she loved your being there. Our HOPE word is "quick"--which sometimes God is not!! Fix it all God--in your time--is hard. I do know a wonderful therapist, and I will get the name to your mama. She is a Christian woman full of compassion and love. Take care and know we are praying without ceasing. Love all of you, Wink
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