Last night, Kyara woke up at 3:30 moaning and groaning. As much as I like to hear her make noise, I wish she has SLEPT!! She was very tight from 3:30am on. Her heart rate was high and basically she was storming again. I wish the morphine had done a better job. We are not giving up on it yet, though. Today, Dr. Green decided to try giving Kyara morphine every three hours for the next 24 hours to see if it helps with the storming. The idea is that morphine has a short life and giving it to her more often, she will not have the ups and down with the storming. I am willing to give it a try, I am desperate for her to sleep!
Skylar spent this afternoon with me and Kyara in the hospital. It was nice to have my two big girls to myself. Child Life had a pizza party with music tonight, so Skylar and I took Kyara to the party. Skylar was so helpful. She got my pizza, drink, and dessert and took care of me! When I was ready for another slice, she jumped up to get it! I think it made her feel very special to have this time with just the three of us. I know I loved it!
Kyara is still storming. She had a difficult time focusing in therapy today and that was frustrating. I am having to look at this process and recovery on the big picture and not look at it day to day, or therapy session to therapy session. I will go crazy that way. There are too many ups and downs. Yesterday was a good day in therapy and today was not so good, so I feel depressed by todays sessions. The joys of yesterday are wiped away so quickly. So, for now on, I am not going to look at it that way. I am going to look at the big picture. I love it when I see a nurse that hasn't seen Kyara in a few days or a week and he/she comments on how much more awake and aware Kyara looks. Seeing her day-in/day-out I think I loose perspective. She has gone through the ringer and it will take TIME.
I find myself talking to myself in the shower alot lately. I have told Dr. Coran off more than once in there. I know this was a freak accident, but he was supposed to be responsible for her care. Do no harm... right? Well, harm has been done and I am angry, sad, and frustrated. But on the other hand, I am so thrilled that the team was able to save her. I cling to the idea that God was with her, protecting her, so that she can do His work. She has a job still to do and that is why she is still here, and that is why, with God's help, she will recover.
9 comments:
Dear Genie,
I think this sermon by John Piper may give you encouragement.
How does talk about the grandeur and glory of God heal a bruised heart? :: Desiring God Christian Re
Source: www.desiringgod.org
How does talk about the grandeur and glory of God heal a bruised heart? from the Desiring God Christian Resource Library. Ask Pastor John and resources about .
Girl, you keep talking in that shower! I have some of my best ideas there, I swear! :) I really don't know why I have such clarity there sometimes, but I guess it's just the solitude and the outside noises being drowned out by the water sounds. Anyway, you keep venting in there...and, I think it's a great place to pray, too. I sometimes talk out loud to God when I'm in there, like I'm just chatting with a friend...which, yes, some would say is crazy, but hey--God wants us to talk to him, so why not converse in the shower? hee hee...
I'll keep praying!
Love,
Kate
Genie,
First of all, we love all of you! I have never walked the road that you are walkining, but I have walked some painful roads. I learned that there is a place inside me that I call "my God spot" where only God and I go. I have screamed at him, whispered to him, cried with him and listened for his whisper. Now that may sound crazy to some, but I'm telling you when I am there, I close myself off to just God and amazing thoughts come into my mind. I just know it is his whisper that He is there no matter what. You pray, sing, cry, dance---anything you want to do in that shower!! As wives and moms, sometimes that is our only alone time. Praying for you constantly--hug Peggy.
love you, Wink
Dear Kyara,
We pray for you every day and really miss you guys we really hope you can come home soon.
Love, Shanna Loper
Please continue the conversations in the shower - this is one way to take care of yourself and stay in touch with your feelings. Take time as often as needed to get all that off your chest so you can be ready for the long road that still lies ahad. You will need those moments of solitude to unload all the emotions that are built up - and that is ok. God wants us to be real with Him. So talk, yell, cry, laugh, and bask in the love of Christ that He has offered us. Lean on all those around you - there are so many praying, so many ready and eager to help however you need it.
I am so glad you had the chance to spend the day with Skylar and Kyara. Treasure those special times.
We will continue to pray for sleep, healing and peace for you all.
The Brandons
Dear Genie,
The fallacy of humanity is that we all make mistakes, even the best of us. I mean, look at me! I'm perfect, yet I do screw up from time to time, if you can believe that... I can only imagine the rush of emotions you must feel every minute of every day, and it's ok to vent or break down or put up a wall or get frustrated or get elated day in and day out. But like you said, you need to look at the big picture and know that in the long run, Kyara will recover from this ordeal and emerge a stronger person, having touched so many lives along the way. She is truly an angel of God and you and Gunars and your whole family her keepers. We continue to pray for you and Kyara's recovery and hope that tomorrow brings you more hope and improvements. Hugs and kisses to Skylar, what a poster child of a big sister she is... she'll grow to be a great mother, just like her mom is now.
Genie,
Hang in there and keep telling the doctors off in the shower. You have to let off steam somewhere so that would be the best place. We know things are hard when you are looking at Kyara day to day and not seeing the results that you wish you could but again God has His plan. We know we wish He would hurry up and tell everyone what it is so that you guys can come back home but they say time heals all things. You all are still in our prayers daily to keep God's healing hands on Kyara and for you to keep strong. You are stronger than we ever could possibly imagine. Keep holding the faith!
Hugs and kisses to you all,
Love,
Josette and Laurie
Genie,
I think it's good for your to tell him off in the shower... and if that's the only place it's said, you're stronger than most of us!!! I can't imagine how tiring this ordeal must be for all of you, but you are right on that Kyara has more to do and teach us yet. She WILL recover! We keep you in our prayers!
Michelle
Genie,
You all are in my heart. I continue to pray for His will and for strength for you, Gunners, Peggy, and Skylar (and of course baby Cassie). Please let me know if there is anything else we can do.
News from home -
We are in the house and will be thankful when you can come home and see. Your family has embraced Mic and me, and we are so blessed by your love. I know God is with this family by the outpouring of LOVE. He will continue to bless and sustain you through this hell. I love you girl and hope to be near you soon.
Amy
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